Sunday, June 1, 2014

The Fire of Anger

"Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda
I read a lot of star wars books as a kid and many of them had this famous quote written on the back. Not that I don't love Yoda, he's one of my favorite little green dudes besides Kermit, but I have to disagree with him here. I mean, yes, this emotional cause/effect line could lead to suffering - especially if you're living out the life story of Anakin Skywalker - but Yoda's writers are missing a big point here. Each of those things on its own leads to suffering. I would say fear and anger have been forms of suffering for me many, many times in my life.
Anxiety issues? Check. Anger problems? Double check. Especially when all that fear turned to anger just like Yoda said it would. Turns out it's pretty common after you've suffered way too much fear and sadness. That type of anger is just like fire. It gets out of control in a split second and suddenly your world is burnt beyond recognition.
You have to be careful. Breathe. Stay ahead of it. So that you don't end up doing something or saying something you'll regret later on. That's just more suffering.
The hulk isn't right. I thought I'd always be angry, but it fades.   After all that fear and sadness, the anger was so strong I thought I would always be angry. It still comes up every now and then, but it's nothing like the rage I used to feel.
I wasn't sure I was going to post this, because everyone seems to be afraid to talk about anger. I know I am, because it's hard to look at yourself in that kind of light. Everyone seems to see you as some sort of monster. But the less it's talked about, the more dangerous it is (or feels).


  1. I've dealt with intense anger at several points in my life. The worst was probably when I was an adolescent-- 15 to 19 years old. My "mind at rest" was always just raging, picturing myself turning over tables, throwing things. It's crazy to remember... But there's definitely another side to all that, it doesn't have to stay that way. It's good to talk about it.

    1. I've definitely had a lot of that as well. As an adult it's easier to 'turn off' although I still struggle with that sometimes due to the bipolar I think. They don't call it a mood disorder for nothing, lol. But I'm learning to limit my exposure to triggers and calm down.

  2. I've had some out of control moments in my life -- usually leading to actions I'm not proud of. I agree that a lot of anger comes from fear -- and mine also came from frustration, mostly because I couldn't communicate my needs. Now that I think about it, maybe it wasn't that I COULDN'T -- maybe it was that I was AFRAID to do so -- which then led to the frustration..and then the anger. So, yeah -- you're right!

    1. Thanks, I love being right! I HATE it when I can't communicate something to someone for whatever reason, be it fear, or maybe I'm just stuttering a lot that day or I can't find a good way to phrase things. Especially if it's something that I really feel I need; yes, that can make me quite upset.