It's something so much worse. It HURTS. I can't focus on anything and I won't feel ok until I get the thing that I am searching for; which in this case is a cheeseburger. A good, restaurant-quality cheeseburger with lots of meat. I've already eaten dinner, and I've had two bowls of ice cream with chocolate sauce, that doesn't matter. It isn't a stomach hunger, it's a heart hunger. But sometimes if I listen to myself and exactly what I'm craving, a heart hunger can be satisfied if I get what I'm craving. And then I will feel ok for an evening. Then I can think about other things and talk to other people without feeling this mental pain that could be boredom but you can't call this shit boredom.
The word 'boredom' feels dismissive. Well, maybe I should just do something, then I wouldn't be bored....
LOL
wrong.
I will be feeling this feeling for the rest of the evening and maybe into tomorrow. But, I'll be taking Concerta in the morning so hopefully that will put an end to it. It's like one of those migraines I get and I know I am just going to have to lay down in a dark, quiet room, with a wet cloth on my eyes and take a couple tylenol and wait it out the rest of the day.
I'm still trying to figure out this ADHD thing and it's frustrating because I feel like it just hasn't been researched very much in adult women yet. I don't feel like my therapist even understands and my psychiatrist just left the practice so I'll be seeing someone new soon and who knows if they will even believe in ADHD.
I feel like people think I'm nuts when I try to explain it, or worse; that I'm exaggerating and just a lazy piece of shit.
I wish I had someone in my life who understands. It would be so helpful to be able to talk about this to someone without feeling like I'm being judged, although that feeling might be my faulty perception because of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
oh, the mental anguish!!
It fucking sucks.
update for my records: it is one hour since I posted this and I feel better. I wrote this post and then went to catch up on my fav blogs posted in my sidebar. Then I went through the comments on The Bloggess and visited the commenters' blogs. Lots of 30+ women with inattentive adhd, made me feel a little better.
