I can't believe it's been three months since I last talked to those Republican Gamers. The DM did text me and asked me back over for a game night a month later but I turned it down. They have not asked again. I guess I just didn't feel like I could go back over there.
I haven't been gaming anywhere else either, there's this guy who is a giant homophobic bigot (who reeks of cigarette smoke - sorry, guys, I hate that smell) who declared in the middle of Machi Koru that he thought he and I liked each other and that he wanted to make sure that we played the next game together. I laughed way too loud and awkwardly and really did not know what to say. If I had been suave and cool and perhaps a normal person I might have said,
"I'm sorry, I was really just enjoying your company as a friend and I'm not really interested in anything more."
But in front of everyone? I'm just not that coherent. I mean, he was fun to play with and I was friendly toward him but not that friendly. At least I didn't think so.
And, if you're wondering if I have any reason to call him a
homophobic bigot, I do. He got up on his soap box in front of everyone
about how he had to stop watching certain shows because they have gay
men on them now, but he's OK with lesbians as long as they aren't 'the
butch dyke ones.' Right...
The sad thing is when I was
there I was talking to the Republican Gamers, and lamenting how people
can actually still hold these opinions and the DM drops the bomb on me that
he really feels the same way about gay people but he 'knows better than
to spout off about it in mixed company.'
So, I haven't been back to that gaming circle either. Two down.
I HAD been trying a new place downtown. That's the one I had been thinking about cancelling in my last post. It went SO WELL. We played Fate which is an RPG where there is no DM and you basically take turns telling parts of the story. It was really fun and there was a couple of really cool guys who showed up to play.
But guess who suddenly started showing up downtown for their next games?... um, yes, Homophobic Dude. I guess I could have gone anyway but honestly he's a big guy and it's scary enough trying to go to new places where you don't know anyone and you're not really sure of your surroundings, then suddenly you think this big, crazy guy who may or may not have been a gunner in the military seems to be stalking you? Easier to stay home.
It's really a shame because I was getting into gaming and RPG's. Mostly the people there are into the same things I'm into plus the games were the right amount of complicated so that I could sink my brain into them and not think about anything else. It's kind of like what I was doing with TV before, but healthier. Instead of using a hobby to shut off my brain, I was trying to think through all these rules so that I could ruthlessly destroy my opponent (and drop some nerdy jokes while doing so). It really was a lot of fun, I miss those Republican Gamers. But, I am really not sure what I would do at this point.
I don't know if the problem was me or them, you know? Should I really expect myself to be able to get along with people whose views are so fundamentally different from mine? And, weren't they pretty big jerks about it?
OR, is it me? Is my view skewed? I saw them as attacking me but is that my personal neuroses? Were they really acting like normal people and I was the one acting like a fucking nutcase?
I'm really a broken toy right now when it comes to personal relationships. 'You hurt me, or scare me, or weird me out at all and you're gone' has been my rule for a while now. It's not a fantastic rule.
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