So, lately I've been doing pretty well and going about my business like a normal person.
Then tonight, I'm at my friends' house playing board games and they start talking politics. It's late, and they have moved seamlessly from one topic to this one and there was no chance to excuse myself.
Three Republicans in a room with me, the only little Democrat, trying as hard as I can to defend our president and other various 'liberal' atrocities. Even though, I'm interested in full discussions of things and examinations of issues and I don't necessarily have views that run exactly down the party lines, it feels to me like everyone is staring at me in anger. They get that angry tone everyone gets when discussing heated topics and it all seems directed at me. They move from one topic to the next, before I've even begun to analyze and ask questions about the first topic. It's not a tennis match - it's a battlefield with cannonballs whizzing past my head.
I DON'T KNOW!!! I DON'T EVEN WATCH THE NEWS BECAUSE IT UPSETS ME!! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF AND BE UPSET ALL THE TIME!!!
It just makes me feel like I can't socialize like normal people do, because I can't handle this - very normal thing. People discuss politics. Mostly they don't go home and cry afterwards because they feel like their friends were angry at them.
I don't know how to not take it personally. If someone is looking at me angrily and using an angry tone, it's upsetting!!! And, when I get tripped up and have no idea what anyone is talking about because I avoid all this stupid news crap because when I read it, it puts me in a negative frame of mind which can continue all day and is frankly quite dangerous for me.
I had another game day scheduled with a different group of people, people whom I have never met before on Sunday but I'm not sure if I'm going to be up for going. It was going to be stressful anyway because of the newness, but if I'm already hurt and not feeling great emotionally, it's going to be very difficult to socialize at the level of the 'normals.' I may end up being withdrawn and shy and it's an RPG and that is very bad for RPG's.
I will wait until tomorrow and see how I feel before cancelling. In the meantime, I really wish I had some chocolate.
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