Holy God! It took forever to get the stupid computer to say hooray! But now it's doing it… Ha ha, I shall rule the world, your wish is my command…
Anyway, I don't know what to do. Having 60th thoughts about getting a PhD, I found online this list of things to ask yourself before going to grad school and one of them was something about knowing what you're passionate about. I have no idea what I'm passionate about. The only thing I think I've ever been passionate about is being a writer. When I was younger it was the first thing that I thought about when I got up in the morning last thing I thought about when I went to bed at night. I made up stories in my head all day long. I love writing, but now I can barely do it. I mean, the only time that I could ever really express myself coherently was when I wrote things down on paper. Now I can barely write things down at all thanks to myofascial pain syndrome… Thanks MPS you're super awesome. But maybe I can learn to write again using my best friend Dragon premium 12 (is the sarcasm obvious?). No, I actually mean it.. But I don't think being a writer is enough for me anymore (besides the fact that I sucked
Holy God! Again, and I really do not have the patience right now to correct that crappy last paragraph.
Mope, mope, and mope. Sulky sulky sulk.
Maybe I'm just tired. Let's see, Friday night I stayed up till 4 AM with our family dog who is sick, Saturday night I slept a lot but then Sunday I stayed up until two or three and then I forget what day it was that I stayed up all night reading the second and third book of the hunger games trilogy, but there was one night I did that.. And then the night after that I stayed up until 3 AM reading again, because I could not put down those books. They were so intense, and such an emotional wild ride! And of course, I got all swept up in the romance between Katniss and Peeta because it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend, I don't want to say anything else because I don't want to spoil the book for anyone, because it is a fantastic book. Thing is it is a dystopia so yeah expect that. Expect dystopian things to happen… Yeah. Spoiler alert – everything that can go wrong does go wrong, and I kept reading it hoping that it would end well you know? Have you ever flipped on the television and then gotten involved in a really suspenseful scary movie? You MUST see the end or else you walk around in this really weird mood like something really terrible will happen because that feeling is never resolved!
Anyway, I'm not sure this is totally readable however I think I'm going to transfer it to the blog now and think about going to bed. I had a crazy moment today where I thought that I should blog every day to help me work out what to do about my PhD, about pretty much everything, because talking things out is really helpful and my best friend lives on the other side of the world. And my second best friend is about two hours away and there's another girl that I'm becoming better friends with and she also lives two hours away. I just have friends in faraway places… This is not good. I need to make more friends I'm just not good at it. Especially the last couple weeks I just wanted to isolate myself. I just don't want to see anybody or anything. Of course that probably had a lot to do with that God damn birthday party that I went to a couple weeks ago where a lot of the people there were friends that I met through my ex-boyfriend so there was that crazy connection. And then one of them had to go and start running his mouth like an idiot, but he was definitely high and probably a little bit drunk. I am getting so tired, honestly, of people who altered their state of mind with drugs and alcohol and what have you. It seriously? It's starting to place me off. Because I can't have a normal conversation that people will remember later when I'm talking to people who are high or drunk most of the time. And these are the friends that live the closest by me, the ones that are 20 minutes away. Why are these the ones that are 20 minutes away? Honestly, I'm not judging if that is the way that you choose to live your life, then that is fine. It's just that it makes it really hard for me to have a conversation with people that they remember. I guess it's just kind of important to me. Maybe that's a quality that I really just want to a friend. The ability to remember conversations. Anyway, it seems like my friends were two hours away maybe asking me to go over there soon so that's nice. And I think that if I can get my 20 minute friend to come over to my place where there is limited alcohol and no pot then maybe we can have an actual fun night.
I'm going to try to take a look at this post and fix the mistakes, but please excuse all of my grammar, spelling, punctuation and other mistakes. I do write really well, it's just talking that is the problem, and unfortunately that's all I can I can do now.
Let's end this on a happy note: kitties!
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