Monday, April 13, 2015

Proposal Season

My sister is getting married; she just told me tonight.

I'm glad I'm not there and that she told me over the phone because I don't think I could muster up being happy for her right now. I'm sure I'll be happy soon, once I get over myself but right now I'm just feeling all kinds of dark, awful things.

It just makes me feel more acutely all the things I don't have right now. Career? Gone. Love? No boyfriends, not even platonic friends.

She said he proposed to her at this spot they go to every year, even though they've had a long-distance relationship they've managed to meet there. It's very romantic. I wish I had a spot I went to with someone repeatedly. There is no spot, there is no one.

I can't even seem to put my life together, every time I try it falls further apart. I'm just grasping at threads that used to be seams, bits of fuzz that used to be fabric.

When will I be anything else? Will I grow old and die as the fat spinster aunt that everyone is just a little bit worried about and a little bit wary of?

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