Sometimes I don’t feel like a real person. Everyone else is
living their lives but I am just a specter. I look human but I’m not one of
them. People go out with friends, they have fun, they get jobs they like or at
least move their careers forward. They fall in love and get married or go
overseas and have adventures. They have children and go to recitals and soccer
games and basically have day to day lives.
My days
blur together with no change on the horizon. I have nothing to do, nowhere to
go, no one to be someone to.
Dark
places are bad. I know that. This seems worse right now, this is a gray place.
This is a place of nothingness where nothing happens and nothing changes.
Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I joke with people and I smile and I feel good
but at the end of the day I am empty.
Something
isn’t missing in my life; everything is missing from my life. I don’t even feel
like I have a real life; I’m just like a rock. I’m just here. I exist, that’s
all
Jane
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Oh Jane... I'm so sorry that you're in a dark place. So much of what you described is so familiar to me. There were just years and years of that feeling of nothingness... like everyone else had scored a free pass to some sort of easy and lighthearted existence that I just couldn't ever participate in. Do know that you are so much more than just a rock (that sounds weird out of context, but you know what I mean) and that you can't listen to your mind when it feels this way. It's being shitty to you and it's lying. Keep your chin up, dear! This can be a difficult time of year for a lot of us.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Aussa.
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