Thursday, December 19, 2013

Dear Universe, I Feel Like Nothing Today

              Sometimes I don’t feel like a real person. Everyone else is living their lives but I am just a specter. I look human but I’m not one of them. People go out with friends, they have fun, they get jobs they like or at least move their careers forward. They fall in love and get married or go overseas and have adventures. They have children and go to recitals and soccer games and basically have day to day lives. 

                My days blur together with no change on the horizon. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to be someone to.

                Dark places are bad. I know that. This seems worse right now, this is a gray place. This is a place of nothingness where nothing happens and nothing changes. Sometimes I’m happy. Sometimes I joke with people and I smile and I feel good but at the end of the day I am empty. 

                Something isn’t missing in my life; everything is missing from my life. I don’t even feel like I have a real life; I’m just like a rock. I’m just here. I exist, that’s all


  1. Oh Jane... I'm so sorry that you're in a dark place. So much of what you described is so familiar to me. There were just years and years of that feeling of nothingness... like everyone else had scored a free pass to some sort of easy and lighthearted existence that I just couldn't ever participate in. Do know that you are so much more than just a rock (that sounds weird out of context, but you know what I mean) and that you can't listen to your mind when it feels this way. It's being shitty to you and it's lying. Keep your chin up, dear! This can be a difficult time of year for a lot of us.