My Playlist Right Now

                   There are some songs right now that are really jiving with me. Like Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake it Off.’ So many players and haters in my life right now (including the imaginary ones in my head). Not that anyone’s saying I’m promiscuous; well, I don’t know what they are actually saying because what people say and think about me is their business, not mine. But, whatever they think;

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

I never miss a beat
I'm lightning on my feet
And that's what they don't see, mmm-mmm
that's what they don't see, mmm-mmm

I'm dancing on my own (dancing on my own)
I make the moves up as I go (moves up as I go)
And that's what they don't know, mmm-mmm
that's what they don't know, mmm-mmm

But I keep cruising
Can't stop, won't stop grooving
It's like I got this music
In my mind
Saying, "It's gonna be alright."

                One of my new favorite artists, Meghan Trainor, sings ‘All About that Bass;’ a song all about curve appreciation. I love it; it makes me feel good to hear someone being brave and saying, “I know I’m bigger and you know you love it.” Full disclosure coming: I’m a size 16 in the hips and a 38D up top. I don’t really know how to dress myself to look good and I wear makeup really only 10% of the time. The fashion and makeup stuff is a skill/time issue but I still remember what it was like to be skinny and look very sexy naked and I just don’t feel like I do anymore. I have a new body now and it’s songs like this that help me learn to appreciate it. Body-anxiety is very distressing pretty much every time I think about trying to be in public or dating or even making friends (or being with my self-righteous sister who likes to condemn people when they order fries for lunch or breathe a little harder when going up stairs).

                Third, but definitely not least on my list is by another singer I’ve just discovered; Mary Lambert. Who, in one of her videos actually wears a dress that I own myself! I was geeking out about that (OMG, I wear the same dress as a celebrity, suck it my fashionista friends…). Her song, ‘Secrets’ hits a very personal nerve. About every line is true for me; except I don’t love my butt, I’m not gay,  and I’m not scared of the dentist I just hate it there.

I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are) So-o-o-o-o what
So what
So what
So what

I can't think straight, I'm so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I'm passive, aggressive
I'm scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won't shut up
And I never really grew up

[Pre-Chorus]

They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

[Chorus:]
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what

(I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are)
So what
So what
So what
So what

Link to her website http://marylambertsings.com/