Kissing Toads: A Good Date is More Important than Cheese

                I don’t even know what’s going on with this guy. Seriously, I’m going out of my mind. I don’t even know where to start with this post so I guess I’ll just review my Boxers or Briefs post and try to describe what’s happened since then…

                We’ve been dating a little over a month now and we talked online through Match for about a month before that. Mostly it’s been great but there’s been a little bit of weirdness and drama. Things were going really well for the first 4 or 5 dates; we definitely had chemistry, it looked like we had a TON of stuff in common, we even have about the same eyeglass prescription. It was fantastic to be having sex again, to have a guy be interested in me, taking me out and wanting to see me again. Then it got weird around date 6.

                I showed up at his place and he was doing laundry; which was fine. I really didn’t care, I just sat on his bed and we talked for a while. But it was mostly just him complaining about money and how it’s so hot out right now. It had been ridiculously hot for our region and the time of year, so I agreed with him. Where I stopped agreeing and started getting a little freaked was when I asked him why he doesn’t get a fan in his room and he told me ‘the spinning freaks him out.’ He ‘can’t sleep with the spinning and the noise.’ So I was thinking…’WTF is this guy’s problem? It’s too hot but he can’t get a fan because FANS FREAK HIM OUT? WHAT?’ As he kept complaining it became obvious that there were no actual solutions to this guy’s problems; he’s got a reason against every rational thing he could do to help himself. Red flag?

                But my therapist suggested he might have just wanted to complain. I get that. I complain a ton and there are times I just want to vent. In the moment, nobody can solve my problems either, so I thought I could let this go.

                Then I suggested we go out for dinner (which since I came there for a date, I thought dinner was a given). He started complaining about his finances again but he saw I was getting annoyed and planning to leave early so I could eat, so he suggested this bar where they sell tacos on the cheap. I agreed and we went out. When we arrived at the restaurant it had been totally shut down. Closed forever (I’m thinking – health concerns on those tacos…?). So he’s annoyed but I know a place nearby where I believe the food is tasty and reasonably priced ($4-10 a meal). Alright, problem solved! 

                We got to the restaurant and everything was good until we sat down and suddenly Kato lost the ability to converse. We sat there looking at the menu and I was excited to get some pancakes (I had been craving the pancakes at this place for some time) but he can’t seem to find anything he wants. The waitress came over and I ordered my pancakes ($5) and then he asked if the cheese is melted on the Philly cheesesteaks. She said, ‘no,’ and he had a little flip out, ‘well, it’s just wrong, that’s just not the right way to make a Philly cheesesteak!’ 

                The waitress looked at me, and we exchanged some confused looks. Mine was a little apologetic. I asked him, ‘so you don’t want anything?’ Mind you, the menu at this restaurant is huge and has just about every kind of American food you could want (from pancakes to Philly cheesesteaks!).

                He said, ‘no, nothing really looks good to me.’ The waitress left and I was a little bit flabbergasted. WTF is wrong with this guy that he’s so picky that he would rather not eat at all than just order something other than the Philly cheesesteak? I felt a little insulted because I really like this restaurant. Yes, the food is cheap but the portions are big and the food is actually really good! So I’m thinking back to our first date when he said he always orders the same thing at that restaurant. And I thought it was strange that he had never tried their signature dish so I ordered it for myself and had him taste it. He was so excited by how delicious it was! He said, ‘thank you! Now I have another dish I can order here!’ Apparently, he cannot leave his comfort zone. He’d rather go hungry. 

                So the date went downhill from there. He was uncharacteristically quiet (compared to our previous dates), and it was so awkward and weird. He did pay for my meal, though, and I thought maybe the actual reason he didn’t order anything was because he just didn’t have enough money for two. And, I can understand that kind of thing but it doesn’t make up for him being rude to the waitress. 

On the car-ride back I tried to talk to him. I told him I wish this date was going better and I was not sure what to do to make it right. He replied, ‘oh, well, if you worry about that kind of thing you’ll go crazy.’ 

So that pissed me off. Um, I was just trying to gently tell you I’m not having fun and try to get you to give me some kind of solution or explanation for what’s happening. I KNOW this is not my fault, it’s yours. I’m doing everything I can; YOU’RE the one acting strange. So I dropped him off at his place and left, pretty sure that I wasn’t going to see him again. At least, not if he doesn’t specifically ask me out for dinner. 

But I did go out with him again. This post is super long so I think I’ll continue it later. Stay tuned.

Jane




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