The next couple posts are going to be ones that I wrote this past winter and never got around to publishing. This one is a post I wrote in January/February;
So; I believe I’ve mentioned how cold it’s been, every time
the temperature dips back down, I have felt an uncontrollable need to rush to
dunkin donuts and get half a dozen delicious, chocolate-covered or sugar-coated
or crème-filled deliciousness. I didn’t see the pattern at first, but after the
third time I realized it. When it gets cold, I crave baked, sugary goods.
Filling, fatty stuff. And, since it’s been too cold to be in my living room or
bedroom, I haven’t been cooking or doing my Yoga challenge like I had planned.
I did my best so far on weight watchers when I was making every meal from their
recipes. But, I got hibernatory and started ordering out a lot instead. Or just
making a PBJ. Once, I did have a can of soup but it was disgusting…
Yup, so two weeks after I had lost 3llbs, I gained 2.8 of it
back. From pizza, Chinese food, PBJ’s and oh so many donuts. I think part of
the problem was that I had gotten a bit cocky. I had done well, and then I
guess I thought I was good… well, it doesn’t work like that. Once it comes off,
it can go right back on again.
That, and I was having a lot of ruminating thoughts (thanks,
Depression!) about my father and how he had treated me as a child.
Honestly, I don’t want to go into it much for this post.
Just know that he was hard on me, there was a lot of yelling, and it’s where I
learned many of my irrational thinking patterns.
So having ruminating (repeated, hard to control thoughts?)
thoughts about this was not good. Whenever I am upset I tend to turn to food.
It’s always been that way. When I was younger, I had a kick-ass metabolism, and
it was probably also curbed since other people ate that food too while I was
living in my parent’s house. My sister seemed to notice every missing morsel
and was vocal about it. (it’s not fair to me, waaa) So I probably ate a little
less, I definitely tried to hide how much I ate from them. But, it didn’t show,
I stayed skinny until the tail-end of college when I finally started gaining
due to ‘cookie dinners’ and ‘vending machine breakfasts, lunches and dinners.”
I will NEVER eat a frozen meal again. Not because I’m choosing to be healthy,
blab la bla, but because I can’t even stomach looking at them anymore. They all
look and taste like cat food to me now (how I assume cat food tastes, come on
now, I’m not that crazy).
Anyway, one thing that made me successful on simple start
was the fact that I was able to have dessert every day. I bought cookies and
put fat free ice cream between them and stuck them in the freezer. Ice cream
sandwiches with my favorite Kroger bakery cookies!! And cold, so that you know
they’ll stay fresh after a few days and don’t feel pressure to eat them all at
once before they go bad.
So I’ve decided to have dessert every day. The past two days
it’s been donuts. Oh, I love donuts way too much. I can almost taste them now…
But knowing I WILL have dessert each day and being able to
think about what I want so that I can have the thing I want most that day, and
being able to look forward to it helps me to not snack throughout the day, and
gives me a little bit of that feel-good, bingey feeling without going
overboard. Because that’s the other rule: buy only single servings. So yes, I
have to go out every day to buy dessert, but if I bought more than one, they’d
both get eaten in one sitting. I just can’t control myself. It’ll sit there in
my mind, I won’t even be able to push it to the back, I’ll think about it until
I finally give in and eat and it will feel SO amazing!
But the new rule is; One single-serving dessert a day, eaten
with full attention and pleasure after dinner and logged appropriately in
weight watchers. I’ll try to keep my points low enough during the day that
there will be some extra for this snack, but I won’t worry about it too much
because of the weekly allowance. And even if I go over, oh well. With a single
serving it’s not likely to be by much and it’s keeping me in control so it’s worth
it.
I feel like I’m really treating myself well, giving myself
this daily dessert. It’s a self-hug (don’t make this sexual, guys).
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 United States License.
