Monday, August 26, 2013

Fit & Fabulous: The Plan





So I’ve been struggling with how to write this post. I tried doing the whole background spiel but it seems that I have just too much history with food to put it all in one entry. I’ve decided to just dole out my past in little bits whenever it comes up and just try to nutshell it in the first post. So here it is;

I am overweight. I used to be underweight but it was all due to an intense metabolism. Since I could eat whatever I wanted without consequences I developed some really bad food habits and probably binge eating disorder. When I reached mid-twenties the bottom dropped out of my metabolism and my habit of no exercise + binge eating = 70lb weight gain. I got stretch marks.

I’m 5’5’’ and I reached my highest weight of 182lbs last December. Since then, I’ve lost 14.8 of those pounds. Hoorah!! If you think that doesn’t sound impressive go do something awkward with a duck because it’s a huge accomplishment for me. I went from gaining a pound a week to losing something most months. AND I found a form of exercise I actually want to do – swimming. 

So here’s what’s happened so far; I bought a book called ‘The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Weight Management: A Step-by-Step Program’ and started with its maintenance plan. I did that for about a year, adding in more and more exercise, and then recently switched to the book’s weight-loss plan. I started with maintenance because I had so many food issues and I knew that I’d never lose weight without addressing them first. So I had to learn to maintain before I lost. 

Now when I say, ‘I did the maintenance plan for a year,’ please understand that doesn’t mean I stuck to it every day. In fact, I didn’t even stick to it most days. My first goal was to do the plan for 56 days (not even consecutively!) and after starting the plan in late July of last year I reached that goal on June 12 this year! 

Since I love numbers, you know I’ve got all the stats! Here they are;

Month
days I followed the diet plan
weight loss
Days exercised
Dec 12
3
1.8lbs
?
Jan 13
6
Maintained
7
Feb 13
4
1.6lbs
14
Mar 13
7
1.6lbs
20
Apr 13
7
0.8lbs
16
May 13
14
0.8lbs
20
June 13
10
4.8lbs
8
July 13
10
3.4lbs
17


As you can see, I suck at following my plans but I’ve still had some success probably because of exercise (and starting a new anti-depressant in June), and starting the weight-loss diet plan in July.

I’ll go over the main ideas of these two diet plans; you can get the details of both of these diets from the book I mentioned. Maintenance diet first;  I went through the calculations in the book for how many calories you need to eat in a day based on height, weight and amount of exercise. I picked a sedentary amount of exercise at first because the criterion for ‘active’ is exercise about 3-4 times a week and I definitely wasn’t doing that in the beginning. I’m barely doing that now. Then the book gives you a certain amount of servings from each food group that you should eat based on how many calories you need in a day. For me, it was; 


Servings
Food Group
Calorie Equivalent per serving
Or
7
Grains
100
1 slice bread
7
Fruits and Vegetables
25
1 whole fruit or veggie
2
Dairy
100
1 cup milk, 1 slice cheese
2.5
Meats
150
Meat the size of a deck of cards
6
Extra Fats
45
1/3 chocolate bar


I kept track of my food and how many servings I ate in a day in a little notebook that I kept with me. I liked this better than keeping track with some app because I’m not sure any of the good ones count by serving size and I don’t have a smart phone so that would just be inconvenient. Counting by serving size is good for me because it’s easier to look at your food and record what you’re eating without having to know exactly how many calories is in it or having to look everything up in some crazy chart. It’s also just an estimate, so I don’t have to stress over exactly how many calories a food has. Counting calories is super stressful for me and just makes me more obsessed with food. Then I eat more just because I’m thinking about food more.

 Counting by serving size is so much simpler. I do have to be careful to estimate as accurately as possible, though. So I can’t just count French fries as 1 veggie. Let’s be honest here, once they’re French fries they’re hardly vegetables at all anymore. Medium French fries at McDonalds are 380 calories so that’s the equivalent of 8 ½ fats. A small is 5 fats. This is where it’s nice to know the calorie equivalent of each serving size. When I first started out I needed to look this up for basically everything so I knew that I was estimating accurately. I still look things up but you get a feel for it after a while and I can always write down in my notebook how many servings are in the foods I eat on a regular basis.

So, that’s the maintenance plan. My weight-loss diet looks like this;

Servings
Food Group
Calorie Equivalent per serving
Or
6
Grains
100
1 slice bread
6
Fruits and Vegetables
25
1 whole fruit or veggie
3
Dairy
100
1 cup milk, 1 slice cheese
2
Meats
150
Meat the size of a deck of cards
5
Extra Fats
45
1/3 chocolate bar

Not a big difference but a little harder to keep up with.


Now let’s talk exercise. My ultimate goal is to exercise an hour six days a week. It’s a pretty lofty goal. I’ve broken it down into smaller goals and I have to achieve each one to move on to the next one.

Goal 1: walk for 15 minutes daily plus an hour of yoga once a week. Do this goal 1 week.

Goal 2: An hour of yoga, 30 minutes jogging, and 5 15 minute walks per week. Do this goal 2 weeks.

Goal 3: 1 hour yoga, 2 30 minute jogs and 4 15 minute walks per week. Do this goal for 3 weeks.

Goal 4: 1 hour yoga, 2 30 minute jogs, 2 15 minute sessions of physical therapy stretches, and 2 15 minute walks per week. Do this goal for 4 weeks.

Goal 5: 1 hour yoga, 3 33 minute cardio sessions, and 2 26 minute PT sessions. Do this 5 weeks.

Goal 6: 1 hour yoga, 3 33 minute cardio sessions, and 2 30 minute PT sessions. Do this 6 weeks.


I also decided to get some more exercise in during the day while I’m at work. I have an adjustable desk so I stand for at least an hour in the morning; I’m trying to take the stairs more often and go for a 15 minute walk in the mid-afternoon.

I’m on goal 5 right now. I have 11 goals all working up to the BIG goal of 6 hours/week, but I didn’t want to bore you with all that. You’ll notice at one point I change ‘jogs’ to ‘cardio sessions.’ That’s mostly because I learned jogging is not nearly as fun as swimming and while the outdoor pool at my YMCA is open, I’ll be swimming instead of running. Maybe even after the outdoor pool closes, but I’m not sure about that since the indoor pool hours suck during the colder months (either  5am or 8pm). I’m hoping to replace physical therapy sessions with endurance and then strength training once I’m ready for all that but right now I’m just taking it slow. I’m sure I’m going to talk about my injury in a series of posts later but that’s another one that I’ve been struggling to write. So for now I’ll just leave you with all these hopeful, ambitious plans.






Monday, August 19, 2013

Kissing Toads: Boxers or Briefs?





     On men, btw. The answer is boxer-briefs. Let me take this opportunity to sincerely thank whoever invented these, because they are sexy as hell. So, I guess this post is going to be about the guy I just met and it went so well that I know what kind of underwear he wears…  : )  I met Kato on match.com (his name’s not actually Kato, I’m just calling him that for anonymity, etc., and I really liked the Pink Panther movies) and we’ve been on 4 dates now. No sex yet, actually, but things got a little interesting on the third date. 

     I’m not usually one to move so fast on dates but Kato and I have just clicked. The first thing I noticed was his hair which is a touch on the longer side, a very dark brown, thick and a little wavy. I walked into the restaurant on our first date, not really thinking he’d be there yet since the waiter had told me there weren’t any men waiting on a lady-friend to show up. Then I noticed this guy sitting alone with his dark wavy hair, and he turned to look at me and his face just lit up with the best smile ever. A big, bright, honest smile that put me at ease.  As we talked the other thing I noticed was he has the most expressive face; it’s fascinating just to watch him talk and he has a way with words. I’ve always had a thing for words (and a thing for writers), and it turns out he writes fantasy stories and is working on his own blog. Yay! 

     Anyway, he’s super geeky, has a giant computer he built himself with the clear side-panel, wants to dress up at a renaissance fair, has posters and pictures of people/things he finds meaningful instead of just sports illustrated models on his walls, and he smells very nice. I’m totally going to get him to dress as Will Riker from TNG (I’ll be counselor troy) at a convention someday… It’ll be sweet.

     If it all works out, of course. We’ll be on date 5 tonight : ) and I know I shouldn’t be looking ahead too much. We’re not even technically ‘in a relationship’ yet and I’ve decided not to worry about that until the three month mark. I just haven’t been this interested in a guy in oh, 5 ½ years?? I was kind of into the last guy I dated but we didn’t make it past date 3 and definitely no monkey business. He knocked the first date out of the park and took me to a musical rendition of ‘Young Frankenstein’ which was simply fantastic. But then he got distant and finally just said he didn’t want to see me again. Oh well. He was a fun date but there wasn’t any chemistry. 

     So I guess match.com is working out pretty well for me. Apparently, I pay a little less since I’m a woman, I’ve been meeting a higher quality of men than on the non-paid sites (no men have asked me to be their mistress or gotten completely pissed at me for saying ‘no second date, sorry’), and now I’ve met a guy that I’m actually excited about. 

     I made the decision to get on match because of the aforementioned crappy guys on unpaid sites and because after the last time I got so worked up over my ex. I decided its past time to start dating again. Even if I don’t meet anyone I just need to get out there and I definitely need to get laid. It was bad. I was horny as hell but whenever I thought about sex I thought about my ex because he was the only one to ever give me good sex. But now, I’m thinking about Kato and what it would be like with him and I think it’s going to be great if a little awkward at first.

     So, just because I like charts and metrics, etc., here are my match numbers so far;

Member for almost two months
Profile viewed 855 times
Received 16 emails, Sent 20 emails




That’s all for today, folks





Jane







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Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dear Universe, Jane Unedited




Why? Why, why, why, why?


Why am I still hung up on a guy who clearly isn’t hung up on me? I know It’s been a year but the fact that he’s still gone and not very responsive to messages from me plus he has a new girlfriend, all this hurts like hell. My heart aches again, not as bad as it did when he first left, but I thought I was past this. I thought I was at least mostly over him. Now, I’m ‘waiting by the phone’ for his emails, and checking my email account nearly constantly. He’s driving me crazy even from the other side of the world and it’s not fair. He’s clearly either not checking his messages or just not responding to me. Either way, PAIN. FUCK!!! Why the hell do I feel this way???? Yes, we were together 4 ½ years and I loved him so much I thought I’d love him the rest of my life. And then he tossed me away like trash. I feel like trash.

I feel like shit. My life is shit. I hate pretty much everything about it. I’m in a dead-end job I never wanted, held back by chronic pain and an inability to decide what to do next. Fuck Fuck Fuck. AND I haven’t even had sex at all in a year. A fucking year. I’ve been on three dates with this current guy and he hasn’t even made a move. I’m sexually frustrated, damn it. Damn damn damn it all to hell. Fuck this shit.

It sucks!!! So bad!!! I really loved him, I thought I'd love him all my life and I really REALLY hope I'm wrong about that because I hate feeling this way.
 
I have to hang up some laundry.

I’m back. At least I’ll have clean pants to wear tomorrow, and a clean bathroom. So I got a few things done today although of course, not as much as I planned to do. I plan a lot, planning is fun for me. What isn’t fun is actually doing the shit. My new therapist says I have an avoidance personality and he is totally right. 

He also says I show signs of hypomania. Which… I’m not sure if I agree with at the moment. And if I am bipolar, oh well. That’s just a new way of describing who I am; it doesn’t change me in the least. The only thing it would do is possibly lead my doctors to getting me the correct treatment. Why the Hell is getting properly diagnosed and treated so fucking hard? I’m 27 years old, for fucks sake! I was diagnosed with depression around 21 (even though I believe I’ve had it since I started going first grade). That’s a lot of years to go without proper treatment. You think, when you see a doctor,  that they know what the fuck they’re doing but it’s just not true.

And I’m fat. 

So basically, life sucks. The world isn’t fair and I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it….

FUCK THIS SHIT!!!

Yeah, and my therapist told me to vent, so if you’re offended, do the obvious, sane thing and stop reading! As for me, I defy sanity. I say, “Hey sanity, what the fuck are you anyway? Are you even real?”  Is anyone actually sane? Or perhaps we all are; or maybe it’s just that the majority experience life one way and they call it normal and us ‘outliers’ are labeled insane. Or abnormal. Or whatever.
Fuck sanity. 

One of my favorite lines from Lost was when Hugo said, “Let’s look death in the face and say ‘whatever, man.’”

Hey Sanity! Whatever, man.


Sincerely,

Jane











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